Then the Lord said, "Get outside of yourself for once."

     You know those times when prayer is going great, Jesus is being nice and affirming you, and letting you just stay up on cloud 9 for a while, absolutely comfy and content just where you are? Well this is certainly not one of those times in my life right now.  Almost all of my very being is telling me to ask God to let me jump back up to cloud 9 again...until the words of Pope Benedict XVI  came to my mind.  He said, "You were NOT made for comfort, you were made for GREATNESS!"  The Lord is taking me through a time of purification (1 Peter 1:7) that, deep down, I know is good for me...but...shoot! It is SO uncomfortable!

     The Lord told me this - and these are His words, not mine - "Get outside of yourself for once, Teresa." 


     OUCH.

     Nobody likes to hear these words, especially from GOD!  When I first heard the Lord telling me this, I got so defensive.  I said to Him, "What do you mean for ONCE? Really? Get OUTSIDE of myself? Seriously? Lord, I dedicated my four years in college to you and now I'm a missionary. What else can I do?!"


     A little while after my defensive rant, God hit me with another 2x4.  He said to me, "I need you to be weak for once, Teresa." My first thoughts were, "This doesn't make sense. God, you've called me to work for your kingdom - I need to stay strong for You and for other people.  I can't be weak, I can do it if I just keep plowing through."  He showed me that my desire to be strong for Him was actually this huge pride thing that I have going on in my heart.  I always feel the need to fix everything on my own.  I have a hard time asking others for help - and if I do, I tend to like my way better.  My need to be strong, and perfect, and the best isn't because I want to do my best for God - it was because I want to do my best so that I don't make a mistake. Fear. Take a risk, "Get outside of yourself for once." 

St. Paul wrote about being weak in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10...
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' I will all the more gladly boast of my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities; for when I am weak, then I am strong."


So I guess the point of this post is to follow the example of St. Paul and boast of my weaknesses, and maybe even encourage you to do the same and we can be weak together.

Jesus, be my strength during this time of purification.