New Heart

     So. It's been literally MONTHS since I've blogged, but it's not because I've been lazy and sitting on my butt eating chocolate. In fact I have never been this busy in my entire life, and haven't felt so fulfilled in my entire life either! I'm working towards becoming the Director of the Missionary program with Hard as Nails Ministries, and let me tell you...it has been a crazy ride!! I'm mostly writing right now so that I can externally process everything (because I finally accepted the fact that I am a raging extrovert) but hopefully you will find it encouraging too.  I'm anticipating it being a bit lengthy - but I know you've been checking my page every day to see if I've posted since July!  Ok, maybe not, but I can dream right? :)

     Authenticity. It's a word that is used in the Hard as Nails office on a daily basis and if your not being authentic, you simply won't survive here. That was blunt AND authentic - see, I'm learning! So. Like I was saying, we are all about authenticity here and we don't like fakes. So let's get real.

     Life is hard. The Christian life is even harder. Looking deep into how you're living your Christian life is, yes you guessed it, freaking harder!  It's easy to glide through life without any self reflection, but what I am realizing is that it is NECESSARY if you want to grow! We have to go back to those places in our hearts that we really don't wanna go - if we intend to heal.  This isn't a new concept, it's been going on in the Church for 2012 years - and it dates back to the Last Supper when Christ instituted the Eucharist.  He said "do this in remembrance of me."  This is what the Mass is. Going back to crucifixion, the suffering and death that Christ endured.  But why do we need to go back there, you ask?  Because without the crucifixion, suffering and death - there would be no resurrection! It is in the Mass that we go back to the pain and suffering that Christ felt for us and it is there that we receive new life through it!
 
     It is the same in our own lives.  I just got back from a 12 day trip in LA with Hard as Nails Ministries and almost every day that we were there I had to share my testimony - sometimes twice in a day.  At first I was afraid because I don't particularly like public speaking, but after sharing my story event after event after event after event - I realized that it wasn't the people in front of me that caused the anxiety.  It was the fact that I was going back to those places in my heart that hurt and that weren't easy to relive.  I was sharing a piece of my heart with thousands of people who I never met in my life - it's not easy to share your heart of hearts even with those closest to you. But it was on this trip that I realized that this is the exact way that we are called to grow.

     Just this week I was praying with a passage from the book of Ezekiel (36:26). It says, "I will give you a New Heart and put a new spirit within you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh."  I have heard this verse many times, I even had it on a post-it note on my desk, but I don't think I have truly experienced it until began this journey with Hard as Nails. By going back to those places in my heart that hurt and sharing them with others - Christ was literally ripping out my stony heart and beginning to heal me.  I'm not going to lie, it's pretty painful, but I am seeing that it is worth the struggle so I can get that heart of flesh.  He is softening my heart so that I can love more freely.  Sometimes its a messy process, but a beautiful one for sure.

   The other good news is that we have a name for the Hard as Nails Missionary program now - it's called "New Heart" missionary program.  It's because this same thing that is happening to my heart, is happening to all those who are involved in HANM - I think we have authenticity to blame for that.  Which is a good thing, because fakes are annoying and well...fake. It's tough to work with fake, but God blesses those who are real with Him.

I don't have time to proof read this, so you're gonna have to deal with my grammatical mistakes - deal with it, I'm just being authentic ;)  Oh ok, how about a shameless plug - please consider donating to the "New Heart" Missionary Program  - I still need $3,000 by January. Message me for more information. Thanks for your support, you're amazing!!!